You wake up determined to be patient. You tell yourself today will be different. But by the time breakfast is over, you’ve already snapped at your kids, feel overwhelmed by your to-do list, and wonder why staying calm is so hard.
I see this all the time with the women I support. You’re not lazy or bad at mindfulness. The truth is, staying calm isn’t just about willpower—it’s about what’s happening beneath the surface.
The Real Reason You Keep Losing Your Cool
Most of us weren’t taught how to feel our feelings. Instead, we learned to push them down and move on—because there’s always something that needs to get done. But emotions don’t just disappear. They build up, like steam in a pressure cooker, until something small—spilled milk, a child’s whining, an unexpected email—causes an explosion.
So if you find yourself getting frustrated over things that shouldn’t bother you so much, it’s not because you need to “try harder” to be calm. It’s because your nervous system is overloaded with unprocessed emotions.
How to Start Feeling More Calm (Without Forcing It)
The key to real, lasting calm isn’t suppressing your feelings—it’s learning how to process them in small, manageable ways. Here’s a simple first step:
The 90-Second Pause
When you feel yourself getting activated, instead of reacting immediately, try this:
Pause. Notice that activation in your body—maybe it’s a tight chest, a clenched jaw, or heat rising.
Breathe. Take a slow, deep inhale through your nose, hold for a moment, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat once or twice.
Observe. Ask yourself: What am I actually feeling? Name it—frustration, overwhelm, exhaustion. Remind yourself: This is just a feeling. It will pass.
Science shows that emotions last about 90 seconds unless we fuel them with more thoughts. When you give yourself even that short pause, you create space to respond intentionally instead of reacting out of habit.
Small Shifts Lead to Big Changes
You won’t become perfectly calm overnight. But each time you take a small pause instead of snapping, you rewire your brain and train your nervous system to handle stress differently. Over time, that means fewer explosions, more presence with your family, and a deeper sense of peace—without having to “try harder.”
So next time you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, take a 90-second pause. Your future self (and your kids) will thank you.
Let me know if you try it—I’d love to hear how it works for you!
With love,
KM
