You tell yourself tomorrow will be different. You’ll be patient, calm, and present. But then—your kids start fighting, they ignore you for the tenth time, and before you even realize it, you’ve snapped.
And the second it happens, the guilt rushes in. Why did I lose my cool again?
I see this cycle all the time with the women I work with. You don’t want to yell. You know it doesn’t help. But in the moment, it feels impossible to stop.
Here’s the truth: yelling isn’t just about patience. It’s about unprocessed emotions stored in your body. And if you don’t release them in a healthy way, they will come out—usually on the people you love most.
The good news? You don’t have to bottle up your emotions or feel like a bad mom. You just need a different way to handle them.
Why You Keep Yelling (Even When You Don’t Want To)
Most moms think they yell because their kids don’t listen. But yelling doesn’t start with them—it starts inside you.
Your nervous system is like a cup. Every stressor—unfinished work, overstimulation, decision fatigue, childhood patterns—adds a little more to the cup. By the time your child spills their juice or refuses to put on their shoes, your cup is already full. The spill or the whining isn’t really the problem—it’s just the final drop that makes everything overflow.
That’s why willpower alone doesn’t work. You don’t need to just try harder to be calm. You need to empty your cup before it overflows.
How to Pause Before Yelling
If you feel yourself about to snap, don’t just grit your teeth and suppress it. Instead, use this simple Reset Ritual to shift out of reaction mode:
Step 1: Step Away (Even for 10 Seconds)
If it’s safe, physically remove yourself from the situation—even if it’s just turning around, closing your eyes, or taking a deep breath while standing still.
Step 2: Place a Hand on Your Heart
This small action tells your nervous system: I am safe. I don’t have to react.
Step 3: Use a Grounding Phrase
Say something simple in your mind, like:
This moment is hard, but I am in control.
I can feel this emotion without reacting to it.
I can take a breath before I respond.
This gives your body a moment to reset before the automatic yelling response kicks in.
The Real Work: Processing Your Emotions Before They Build Up
Stopping yourself in the moment is helpful, but the deeper work is making sure your emotions don’t build up in the first place. Here’s how:
Move Your Body Daily – Anxiety and frustration get stored in your body. Even five minutes of stretching, walking, or shaking out your hands helps.
Feel Your Feelings (Before They Explode) – If you’re overwhelmed, pause and ask: What am I actually feeling? Anger? Resentment? Exhaustion? Name it, take a breath, and let yourself acknowledge it.
Give Yourself Space to Breathe – Create small moments in your day where no one needs anything from you—even if it’s just sitting in your car for two minutes before going inside.
You’re Not a Bad Mom—You’re a Human with Emotions
Yelling doesn’t make you a bad mom. It just means your nervous system is overloaded. And when you learn how to process your emotions in small ways every day, you’ll find that staying calm isn’t about trying harder—it just becomes your natural state.
So today, give yourself grace. Take one deep breath. And remind yourself—you are doing the work.
With love,
KM
